Sister’s On Ice – pre-marriage dream

27/02/1993

It’s a pre-match warm up for the Olympic Figure Skating Championship. One couple stands out from all the others – two tall women dancing together. They’re supposed to be a mixed pair, they look like two teenage boys in drag, or women made up to be men. Very 1920’s. One of them, like Katerina Witt. The other more feminine.

Both have shabby hair (Like the band “Shakespeare’s Sister” make-up/cropped hair). Gothic meets New Romantic. It transpires that I am the Katerina Witt character (I am male, 30 yrs) and the other, more balletic and composed dancer is my fiancé (26 yrs).

Physically we don’t look anything like our real selves, but I know these two characters represent us. We’re going through our moves, enjoying it, easy stuff. We’re not doing the “triple axles,” keep those for the event. (Here I need help on skating terminology). Wouldn’t want to injure ourselves before the competition.

We imagine/know where and when they’ll come. Despite the months of training which has got us this far I feel compelled to consider adding different things, even at the last moment, especially if the dangerous jumps are out during rehearsal.

My fiancé (I’d call he my girlfriend but we’ve been engaged for 9 months), is more sure of herself. She is leading me, as the man would in ballroom dancing. She is keeping me right. She is steadfastness, dependable. It is this security, this foundation that allows me to try out the new stuff. She tolerates it like an indulgent mother. She could be watching me clamber through the highest branches of a tree. Not to put me down, she also knows that it’s my experimentation that produces the elements of important, competition winning, originality in our routine. As they say, “behind every great man, is a good women” (or something.

It turns out we care far more about enjoying our own private dance, than the content of the routine that is about to be judged. This is our time. We’re enjoying it. deliberately not taking the warm-up too seriously. We’re content with ourselves and each other.

What happened ?

We’re rehearsing. We’re good at what we do. We’re not interested in other contestants or on-lookers, though the are there. (The rink isn’t busy.

I’m shocked that we have the appearance of a couple of lanky lesbians. (See the couple in the film “Henry & June,” that was kind of us, a Lesbian Act for Henry Miller and Anais Nin). We are made up, but we are doing it for ourselves. As we skate I’m not convinced this is how we propose appearing in the competition, however much fun it might be to “raise eyebrows” at the moment.

Where ?

An ice-rink. Pre-competition. Things might have been going on in the background to get the rink ready. The location could very well have been a large, international airport – one of the satellites at Geneva Airport, for example. Or something at Charles de Gaulle.

Who are you ?

I’m one of the dancers. Though male (in a female guise) I’m not leading the dance. My partner is the support and has a clearer idea of what is going on. She is conventional. Stead-fast, whilst I’m inclined to give new moves a go even as we warm up and go through the routine we’ll have to perform shortly.

Who are you with ?

My partner. My fiancée. Though the characters in the dream aren’t playing out the relationship I’m aware of who we are as an observer.

Describe

We are both been dressed in Tuxedo’s of sorts. The make-up is very “Cabaret” or Shakespeare’s Sister. Kurt Weil. Ute Lemper. Ulma Therman. Over the top GOTHIC. With dark circles around the eyes and white face make-up.

What do you feel about them ?

Two people who are close. Who move together. Who can cope with the one of them trying new things rather than settling for the routine they have already worked out – however stable the routine might be.

What are the various actions in the dream ?

Ice-skating. In rehearsal. Probably more personal, with flairs of the Impresario from me. I can risk it in rehearsal if not in competition (in the real thing). Though my partner half expects me to repeat any new move that works in the routine that will follow – there’s always room to add/change.

The ice dancing with my fiancé is close, personal, intimate, every day – and very loving. We dance very much “as one” and “get it right” as we rehearse our maverick moves.

How am I as DREAM EGO acting/behaving in this dream ?

Passively. Content. The right degree of innovation and support.

What relation does this dream have to my personality ?

Spot on. The need to be inventive from within a stable relationship and within stable circumstances (somewhere to live, work).

What symbols in this dream are important to me ?

The ice rink is a society – not a stage. The dance is how I (we) live our lives. The appearance is how we feel on the inside.

What are the various feelings in this dream ?

There is a feeling of deep, private love with my fiancé during our ice-skating – our love is not the archetypical “husband at work, wife at home,” it is almost the other way around. She has to guide me … not because I don’t know my steps, but because I’m so keen to keep trying something new.

What relation does this dream have to what is happening right now in my life ?

A great deal. There is a conflict between wanting to conform (steady income, mortgage, roots) and a desire to remain non-conformist – indeed to go my way. This idea is encouraged by the “Ice Dance” in which my fiancé & I are recognised as the most brilliant (though often peculiar/radical) ice dance couple. I enjoyed the feeling that we are (were) seen as odd. Happiness discovered on our terms rather than someone else’s.

Who or what is the adversary in the dream ?

There isn’t one. Our attitude to other competitors, who might have been warming up on the rink or who we will face in competition, is that we are unassailable. Or we don’t care about them, win or loose.

My real life experience of ice-skating is awful – on two occasions I’ve been concussed after falls. In the dream though there was never any feeling of uncertainty or danger. Not even the feeling that we might be skating on “thin ice.”

We are in our element in this dream. Totally at ease with the skating.

What or who is the helping or healing force/agent in this dream ?

My fiancé. Because at the end of a difficult “work” day I have her and we’re “off on our own” doing our own thing and doing it very well. For ourselves more than for others.

In previous dreams “Winter Sports” in particular skiing, has always represented my desire to live in France. In this dream, ice-skating, I feel it represents a compromise – it hints at being abroad, but maybe not in the Alps. It certainly removes snow and skiing as a priority.

My fiancé, more so in this latest dream than before, is taking the lead, guiding my steps, giving me advice, keeping me in her arms. Yet we are very much a “team” on equal terms, represented by the androgynous manner of our dress and roles. When I break free and have a quick go and something new within the rhythm of our dance she watches with pride knowing that I’ll rejoin the dance where required.

What is being wounded in this dream ?

Nothing.

What is being healed in this dream ?

Doubts about how we should govern our lives.

What would I like to avoid in this dream ?

Falling over. Being seen as a fool by anyone bothered to watch our dance. Being rejected by my fiancé.

What actions might this dream be suggesting I consider ?

What I do with my fiancé, however odd it might look to people from the outside, is OUR THING ! So be it ! What does this dream want from me ? It’s saying “Be Yourself.” Stray very far from this, such as attempting to join in someone else’s activity and I will be nudged out – who wants to join a municipal restaurant meal anyway, when in Truth to be the starts of a Jean-Paul Goud ice-skating show !

What choices can I, and will I, make as a result of having t his dream ?

Continue to be myself. Strive to make my life and relationship with my fiancé all the bizarre and wonder full things it wants to be. In other people’s eyes, bizarre and rich. It matters to us that our contemporaries see us as “odd.”

Why ?

Because we struggle to live in France. We lead a lifestyle which others see as strange … and which they might envy.

What does this dream want from me ?

I must stop trying to be conventional. It doesn’t work. I must press on with trying to achieve the personal and professional goals that matter to both Darlingest and I.

What questions does this dream ask of me ?

What is more important ?

Fitting in with a load of strangers, or being happy with my fiancé in a fantastic relationship ?

What is more important ?

Putting on an image (facade) to fool (or impress) old acquaintances, or building on a unique, special, intimate relationship with my fiancé?

Who or what is my companion in this dream ? Darlingest ! A strong, experienced, skilled, feminine, athletic Darlingest. A confident person who “knows the steps” and gladly guides me in mine.

Why did I need this dream ?

How I live matters as much to me as what I do to earn a living. If I can earn a living in a way which allows me to live where and how I desire then I should do so.

Why am I not dealing with this situation ?

The usual conflict between the desire to do my own thing and the need to conform in order to earn a living. I am, but not full-heartedly. Necessity dictates that I earn a living.

What choices can I, and will I, make as a result of having this dream ?

It highlights my priorities. Darlingest, and building a life, our Life, with her, is and must be my priority. It is. We must build …. look forward, not backwards.

What do you want to ask us your dream spirits ?

Are you the ones feeding my confidence?

Why are you sometimes afraid of us, your dream spirits ?

I’m not, am I ? I let you have your say, understand(usually) what you say and try and build on it. You are, after all, my “alter-ego”, my real “inner” self.

Why have I had this dream now?

Other choices are being thrown in my path – retracing my steps (old friends)> Or making a go of it with strangers … but there clearly is no choice. Darlingest is everything I need to satisfy my desire to have a partner and live an “irregular” or “bizarre” life-style.

What can happen if I work actively with this dream ?

I can remind myself, vividly, of where my life should be going. I should be aspiring to the bizarre, not the mundane. I should be pressing on with “our” ambitions, not turning back on them.

What is being accepted in this dream?

That Darlingest can be (and is) everything !

What new questions come up from this dream work?

The usual ones. How do I earn a living ?

By combining my “imaginative” activities with a means to earn a living.

The tourist looking around. Testing my skills at flying myself around town, between tall walls, off roof tops, over traffic. It’s a feeling, not mechanical. It’s a matter of self control. Enjoying the surroundings Away from people I can fly, but when I’m being watched (have to perform) or if my dropping to earth is going to cause problems for others then I loose concentration and float to ground.

What relation does this dream have to my personality ?

I fly when I’m doing my own thing, away from others. When people watch to see if I’ll fall I come down to ground. Not crash, just on their level.

What does this dream want from me ?

I’d prefer to fly than walk. That tells me to ignore their views. nor to seek their pleasure, but to get on with my own thing.

What are the various feelings in this dream ?

Flying like this is no longer a surprise. I’ve always wanted to do it. I’d like to fly higher and faster and be more sure of controlling it. It’s a sense of private satisfaction, curiosity satisfied, private and pleasurable. Flying over dams or stepping of buildings is a test of my powers. Am I sure of myself ? I don’t fall. In such situations as a teenager I would have crashed to the ground ! I’m frustrated when I touch down on the way back to the airport not only disrupting some local contest, but also being left to walk back and miss or delay the flight.

What relation does this dream have to what is happening right now in my life ?

It’s fine to fly, but it’s private. IF I want to succeed at doing something I enjoy I must be able to face up to criticism and the views of others, without loosing the ability to fly. Working from home is the flying feeling, especially when its more creatively orientated. Coming down to earth is the bread and butter work I do, though I should be able to take it with me into the air !

Why did I need this dream ?

I wonder where my life is going. AM I in control ?

Why have I had this dream now ?

I’m having to get the right balance between flying and walking, things I do for myself and things which earn me a living. One day they will be one and the same thing. I’m also concerned that if I’m too preoccupied with my own thing the “Family” might fly on without me.

What relation does this dream have to something in my

future ?

The quest for work which brings me the same satisfaction and uniqueness of flying.

What new questions arise as a result of this dream work ?

How can I keep control of the flying ? I need a fuel gauge or more fuel !

Who or what is the adversary in the dream ?

Albert … at arms length. No one. They let me get on and do my own thing.

What is being wounded in this dream ?

Still unable to keep up the momentum when I need it … over the last hurdle.

What would I like to avoid in this dream ?

Never being able to fly again. Engines cutting out resulting in a precipitous fall. My flying taking me away from Darlingest or causing her hurt.

What is being healed in this dream ?

Wanderlust

What or who is the helping or healing force/agent in this dream ?

The flying is a relief, an escape, a chance to get way from the communal, down to earth pleasures of tourism. (everyday life).

Who or what is my companion in this dream ?

No one.

Who are my helpers and guides in life and in my dreams ?

Darlingest at home. I could do with a partner, a mentor, someone to share my ambitions with.

What symbols in this dream are important to me ?

The catholic cathedral. Was I thinking of converting to Catholicism, IS there something I believe in which the atheist Pelczynskis don’t ?

What actions might this dream be suggesting I consider ?

Learn ways to stay airborne for longer and take Darlingest along with me !

What can happen if I work actively with this dream ?

I’ll go up and stay up and come down when I want to !

What symbols in this dream are important to me ?

Flying.

What is being accepted in this dream ?

That I like going off on my own. That I like to fly above others. That I like taking risks whilst remaining in control. That sometimes I’m brought down to earth against my will. So I need more fuel and need to know better how to operate my flying machine.

What choices can I, and will I, make as a result of having this dream ?

Get the right balance of activities which will keep me airborne and teach me how to operate the controls.

What questions does this dream ask of me ?

Where was Darlingest ? Or is the dream only related to work ?

Why am I not dealing with this situation ?

To easily distracted. Must know when I am pursuing a subject because it may advance my career and when I am pursuing a subject as a hobby.

What choices can I, and will I make, as a result of having this dream ?

Reduce my activities to bread and butter and career movers and try and keep the right mix of flight and landing !

What actions might this dream be suggesting I consider ?

Make sure I take off with enough fuel to get me back and in full knowledge of how to control it.

What do you want to ask us your dream spirits ?

Take me further !

Why are you sometimes afraid of us, your dream spirits ?